Horoscopic

The ONION's horoscopes always crack me up. Several of these had me laughing out loud...

Aries Sleep will elude you as you wrestle all night with existential questions of mortality and meaning as well as a couple of random wrestlers.

Taurus You'll start to think the people who want you to choose between hugs and drugs have set up a false dichotomy after discovering you can actually have both at once.

Gemini Remember, only you can give yourself permission to be happy, although the people in charge of giving you permission to use the bathroom may have something to say about that.

Cancer You had no idea the love life of the nuthatch was so vigorous, so obsessive, and so likely to result in the death of people like yourself who just like to watch birds do it.

Leo You hate the phrase "We're through the looking glass here, people," but you'll have to use it anyway this week when you and a bunch of people go through a looking glass.

Virgo The stars hate to be the ones to tell you, but the problem with you is certainly not that you love too much.

Libra People will say you've hit a new low even for you, which is depressing, as they clearly haven't been paying attention to a thing you've done.

Scorpio You'll score a bunch of great stereo equipment and furniture from your neighbors, who happen to die when you go into their house and stab them and take all their things.

Sagittarius You'll finally give in to a persistent coworker's desire to, as he puts it, "spread you wide open, throw your feet up on the mantel, and really go to town," but to your great dismay there seems to be sex involved.

Capricorn You knew that moving to the suburbs would expose you to a whole new kind of culture shock, but you had no idea there were people who didn't get drunk to mow the lawn.

Aquarius Romance will bloom in your sign this week, coating everything with a thin layer of pollen and making a mess before germinating into the overripe and rotten fruit of routine.

Pisces There will be no major changes in your life this week, which given the fires and barracudas, is pretty terrible news.

Rearrangement

I rearranged the boys' room today, with the "help" of B2 (to his credit, he did help to the extent his youthful attention span allowed). B2 was thrilled to see me moving their bunk beds and dressers around. For me, the main reason was to clean the various nooks and crannies of their room, a classic, old-school Spring Cleaning kind of operation. But also, I just like to move things around. I figured the way I have it set up, it'll make it work better as the summer months kick in. The boys' room is already the most comfortable room -- warm in winter, cool in summer -- but this'll make it even better.

Speaking of arranging things, this blog amuses me:

ThingsOrganizedNeatly.

B2 amuses me -- he's such a natural lil' athlete. He's quick, strong, nimble, fiercely competitive. He's a true natural, one of those kids that I can just tell will be able to speedily pick up anything he wants to do, and make it look easy. And he's precocious and charismatic, a natural performer. He's going to be total trouble when he's in school. I can already tell. But the smart ones always are.

B1 is sweet, very honorable, protective of his little brother. It was cute -- walking back from school with the boys, a little girl saw B1 and turned around, said "Hi" to him. I asked him who that was, and he told me, and I said "Is she from your class?" and he said "Last year." One of his fangirls! It was cute that she made a point to turn around and say hi to him. He was pretty casual about it.

PBF

I loved Nicholas Gurewitch's "The Perry Bible Fellowship." Such a demented sense of humor. I'm bummed that he's semi-retired, because his work was so good...

Rad...ish

I saw this in a window I passed on the street, and had to capture it...

Bloody Great!

I saw this truck today, loved it! I can just imagine a Bela Lugosi-type voiceover for it -- "Ve have a stake in your floors! It would be a grave mistake not to go vith us!"

Arthurian Mythos

My boys enjoy "Arthur" on PBS, and it's a cute show, I'll admit. I actually enjoy it, too. One thing kind of merits a bit of deconstruction, though: namely, Arthur's best friend, Buster, and his family situation. Buster's folks are divorced, one of those little "real life" details they have in the show. They don't make a big deal about it. Buster's got a mediocre brain, at best. But what makes me curious is how Bo Baxter and "Bitzi Lynn" got together to begin with. First, their character sketches...

Bitzi Lynn Baxter: Buster's mom,who is divorced. She is the editor-in-chief of the Elwood City Times. She's overprotective of Buster and a frantic character, but has settled down a bit in later seasons. (In the early Arthur books, she had blonde hair, although the later books and TV show depicted her with auburn hair.)

Bo Baxter: Buster's father, who is divorced. He is a pilot. Buster flies with him around the United States in the spin-off Postcards from Buster series. In Postcards from Buster, he is shown with short brown hair and glasses. However, during his few appearances in earlier seasons of Arthur, his face is noticeably hidden from view, for instance behind a newspaper. His physical appearance has changed several times, and early appearances was partially concealed by various methods, such as Buster on his shoulders or Bo meeting him appearing as Santa Claus.

Now, Bo's a charter pilot -- he tends to fly small gigs for high-profile clients, so I understand this literal jet-setter's motivations, how he might be gallivanting around the globe, leaving kids in every airport. But what's the story with Bitzi Lynn? How'd she manage to win over Bo Baxter to begin with? I mean, look at her...

Bitzi Lynn Baxter, MILF??

I don't know what to make of that. Maybe Bitzi Lynn was quite the bad bunny in her youth? What's the back story, there? She tends to be quite the nervous nellie on the show, so it's hard to see just how she'd have much appeal, there, much in the way of game. Unless Bitzi Lynn is a real hellcat in the sack once she gets behind closed doors? I mean, Bo married her, at least for a time. We're not sure how long they were married, only that they were, and that they had a kid -- or was Buster an "oops" kinda baby? Was Bitzi trying to be the air traffic controller to Bo's high-flying pilot? Was she trying to ground him?

And with a name like Bitzi, it makes me think that maybe she was a groupie or something -- maybe she and Bo crossed paths when he was piloting a rock band around or something. I mean, Bitzi's kinda cute in a librarian/schoolmarm kinda way, but with that frenetic personality of hers, what's her big secret? How was she able to rope Bo in (even if only temporarily)? And what's more, who broke things off? Was it Bitzi or (in my opinion, more likely) Bo? I'd like to have seen pictures of Bitzi in her youth, to get a better understanding of how she got herself in that situation with Bo. Sadly, there's only a tiny picture of Bo available, so I had to blow it up...

Bo Baxter, with a kind of shit-eating grin going on.

I have this image of Arthur and Buster as teenagers, biking beneath a bridge and seeing "Call Bitzi Lynn! Night or Day!" spraypainted on one of the bridge supports, and Arthur asking "Buster, is that referring to your MOM?"

Way to Gohio!

Ohio had not one, but two of the "20 Cities You Don't Want to Live In...Yet" -- Cleveland and Dayton (5th and 10th, respectively). Way to go! Alas, Youngstown didn't make the cut. I guess there's bottom of the barrel, and there's gazing into the abyss, where cities are concerned. Still, it's kind of a downer that Flint and Detroit are on that list, but Youngstown isn't. It's worse off than Flint, Michigan? Yikes.

May Flowers!

I love how the color turned out on this one...

Mild

Had a great day with the boys, and great weather, too, which made it nicer. We played catch in the park, and the boys ran around, up and down hills, from tree to tree. B2 lost his first tooth yesterday, and, of course, the Tooth Fairy left him a coin under his pillow, which thrilled him. He was asking about the Tooth Fairy, and I said she was like a pixie, only shyer and nicer. He was so excited to find that coin, he climbed his bunk to wake his big brother to show him. A dollar coin, naturally, since that's "gold." Haha!

I took the boys grocery shopping today, as well as a trip to Target to get'em a few new pairs of jeans and some shirts. I had bought'em school clothes in the fall, but they're growing so quickly, I needed to get'em a couple of backup pairs.

The boys are getting so brotherly, it cracks me up -- they're inclined to tussle, wrestling their way across the apartment. It amuses me, since B2 is still much smaller than B1, but is feistier and fiercer than his big brother, who puts up with it until he reaches a point of no return, then goes after him. Cracks me up, watching them go -- it's like the cartoon equivalent, the dust cloud with arms and legs everywhere!

Deliverance

Dead man's hand rising, "Deliverance."

I watched "Deliverance" the other day, after not having seen that movie for a very long time, and while it's likely labeled an "Action/Thriller" movie in the pop culture, I can't help but think of it as a Southern Gothic Horror movie. It's not even the graphic man-rape in it that makes it so -- I mean, of course, that's certainly part of it -- but there's just a dread and creepiness that flows throughout it. Even the famous "Dueling Banjos" moment is fraught with an eeriness, the inbred-looking banjo boy...



And the setup of the movie -- four "city boys" plan a canoe trip that goes horribly awry. It feels very Horror to me. The dread and terror of the movie hangs heavily over it -- the unwelcoming, downright hostile Mother Nature all around them, the darkness and quiet of the woods, the unfriendly natives, the secrets and lies, the very real destruction of friendships in the face of the horror they encountered? I dunno. It feels like a Horror movie, albeit one that is marbled with Southern Gothic sensibilities, which likely are why it is better-regarded critically than more conventional Horror fare. I mean, the theme that runs through it is that Mother Nature's a bitch, and sure as hell wants to make Man her bitch -- that's what the movie's about, ultimately.

Ed, the Jon Voight character, is the protagonist -- when alpha male Lewis (Burt Reynolds) is taken out because of injury, it falls to Ed to rise to the occasion, to "play the game" as Lewis puts it. Bobby (Ned Beatty) is the smug, chubby city slicker who gets the bejeebers buggered out of him by the local, while Drew (Ronny Cox) is the affable, friendly, guitar-sporting fella who ends up dead and disfigured on the river. Each of the guys is kind of a facet of manhood -- Drew, the kind-hearted soul, is destroyed by the decision to bury the body of the dead mountain man. In a way, he's fortunate that he drowns in the river, because he surely could not have lived with the decision to bury the body. Lewis, the one who is likely most comfortable with things "going South" as they did, breaks his leg and is effectively taken out midway through. Bobby, the least prepared of them, ends up completely bitchslapped by the experience (literally). Ed, who is somewhere between Lewis and the other two -- that is, he's an experienced outdoorsman, but he's always been in Lewis's manly shadow, find himself ultimately able to kill and intent on surviving the experience at any cost (although it's clear that Bobby is traumatized by Ed's ruthless transformation as the movie evolves -- you see it in Ned Beatty's face when Ed tells them they have to come up with their fake story to try to ensure that the bodies they buried aren't found. It's like he can't even believe he's hearing this coming from Ed.



Of course, there are no supernatural elements in it, so quibblers might take issue with it being a Horror movie, but then again, people often consider "Jaws" to be a Horror movie, too, with a very real monster in the form of the massive great white shark. It's funny for me, because I don't really think of "Jaws" as a Horror movie, but I always think of "Deliverance" as one -- I think it's squarely because of the bleakness and dread inherent in the latter movie, and the very real sense that the characters in "Deliverance" will be forever haunted by what happened on that trip. There is no happy ending for those characters -- Bobby has to live with the shame and humiliation of being man-raped and having to lie his way out of his complicity with hiding three bodies (including Drew's body), Lewis appears likely to have lost a leg (putting an end to his he-man lifestyle), and Ed is haunted by nightmares and an understanding of what he's capable of. Since the movie came out in '72, I'm sure the Vietnam War hung heavy in the zeitgeist at the time, and it could perhaps be seen a kind of parable of that war, and the horrors of it. For all the horror of a shark attack, the movie itself telegraphs its dread with the John Williams score, whereas "Deliverance" delivers far more dread per square inch with simple silence and running water, with a verdant forest and feral hills. There is terror in those woods (and there's a curious moment before the rape scene, too, the night before, when the men are camping, and Lewis stalks out into the woods, saying he heard something -- that setup feels very classic Horror movie, although it's not played for that, it still communicates that: danger, lurking in the shadows).

Anyway, just musing. "Deliverance" feels more than being simply an action movie with horrific moments -- rather, it feels like a true-blue Horror movie, served up Southern-style, with all that this entails. And even when Ed, Bobby, and Lewis make it back to "civilization" (itself the soon-to-be-gone town of Aintry -- or is it Aintree? I can't remember -- this woeful, doleful little town that is going to be drowned when the dam is completed, and is being moved -- the church rolled away, the graves disinterred -- an image that is quietly horrific when seen through Ed's eyes in the wake of their own burials in the wilderness) -- anyway, even when they make it to Aintry, the Southern hospitality is underpinned with the clear dread of Bobby and Ed that the Sheriff (played, ironically enough, by James Dickey, the poet who wrote "Deliverance") doesn't believe their story, but lacks the evidence to lock the men up for murder -- he says "I'd like to see this town die a quiet death." Having delved into the literal and moral wilderness, the men find it hard to embrace civilization again (and, again, the Vietnam specter hangs heavy over this in tangible-yet-understated ways, versus, in my opinion, the ham-handed and overpraised way it looms in "The Deer Hunter" [which came out six years after this movie]). It's like they've seen the black underbelly of the world, the horror of Nature and Human Nature, and are forever marked by it. It makes the happy ending of "Jaws" (which always seems to top the mainstream "best of" Horror movie lists) seem completely panglossian by comparison. With "Deliverance," it's like the saying that when you kill someone, you kill yourself, too -- or part of yourself, anyway, dies with the person that you kill. I think part of Ed died in that river, and it's never coming back -- his nightmare (the hand rising out of the water) and him laying awake in bed beside his wife, clearly troubled, shows this, while the "happy," frenetic dueling banjo theme plays in an echoing rejoinder. Ed and Bobby and Lewis survive, but they'll never, ever be the same again.

Good Light Day

Today had wonderful light -- just beautiful light. Of course, I didn't have my camera with me, naturally! I'm having some red wine and bread at the moment. I may reheat the pasta I had the other night. This weekend'll likely have me going on a big grocery run with the boys, if I'm industrious.

Moments

Amusing moments from the morning so far:

1) Geeky little brother to his big sister: "I'm gonna tell ALL your friends about your FAAAAKE tan."

2) Right as I'm crossing the street, a woman in a Mercedes stops at the light, and the Mercedes hood ornament breaks and lands on the ground at my feet. *TING* I knelt and picked it up, walked it over to the woman, who hadn't even realized it had popped off.

Train in Vain

I love that "Atlas Shrugged" tanked in the theaters. Randroids aside (and any Randroids reading this, you know what? You're all lame -- read Nietzsche, instead; that's who Ayn Rand had a real hard-on for -- maybe read that while listening to Rush; it'll be a more rewarding experiencing than wallowing through Rand's shit-awful prose), it's just gratifying to see that even in supposedly go-go capitalist America, a turgid melodrama extolling the virtues of a moribund ideologue's fevered dreams of propertarian propriety holds scant appeal. Loving it. And that the producer blew $20 million in producing this bomb, and has already declared he's not going to produce the next parts of the trilogy -- BRAVO! The cherry on top of the sundae. Good riddance to bad rubbish.