Conandrum

So, I watched "Conan the Barbarian" on DVD, surprised to see that there is some extended footage in this one, something like four minutes -- first time I'd ever seen those scenes, which had been cut in the US release I'd seen a zillion times. The two main additions are a chat about springtime between Conan and Subotai, and a kind of trippy extension of the Princess loping around with Conan in the Mountain of Power, on his way to dispatching Thulsa Doom. While the former was kind of startling, the latter was really odd. There is a sense that the Princess has some serious Father issues, since she goes from leaving her father, King Osric, to traipse after Thulsa Doom and be his bride/concubine/whatever, and then, realizing that Doom is going to do her in, that spell is broken and then she's apparently enthralled by Conan -- not exactly interacting with him in the scenes, but sort of just ambling around nearby, and semi-worshipping him, until he takes her by the hand and carries her over the rocky terrain, away from the ruin of Doom's temple. It's really odd, more so since I'd never seen this extended version before -- the Princess's presence in it is distracting, since she was always more than a little loopy, and she's clearly loopy, still (and, since, in the deleted scenes, we see the apparent assassination of King Osric by his men -- this doesn't make it in the final movie, it's at least assumed that the Princess is going to be Conan's lady friend). Trippy stuff, and I can see why they clipped it from the American release -- I mean, I always found it odd how she basically vanished after the Battle of the Mounds, but this extended version is bizarre -- imagine the Princess doing a silent interpretive dance sequence while Conan is going about his bloody business, and you'll get a sense of the vibe her presence in the final scene conveys.

Anyway, besides that, it was fun to watch again -- one of the things I always enjoyed about the movie is director John Milius's meticulous attention to little details, how he showed so much and didn't tell -- definitely a hallmark of him having written so many screenplays in his day, having that sense of how to frame a scene. That is one of the things that brings such satisfaction to the movie. For example, in two key sequences:

Conan at the Temple Gathering

When Conan is in disguise, trying to sneak into Doom's temple, there is a great sequence here, where you see Rexor and Thorgrim come out like they're looking for somebody. Already, the trap is springing on Conan, but it's very much shown without being told. Conan keeps brandishing the jade snake decoration from the Serpent Tower, thinking it's his pass for getting deep into the place, but a temple guard takes it, and you see him walking through the foreground with the decoration, getting the attention of Rexor and Thorgrim. All while the music is playing, and you can see the jaws of the trap closing in on clueless Conan, but it's done purely through imagery. Love how that scene sets up.

People Stew

The revelation that the Set cultists are cannibals is again just shown, without any dialogue -- you see the people bodies hanging in the hellish kitchen of Doom, without too much attention being drawn to it. And the "People Stew" is poured, and these bearers then carefully walk the glop up to the Orgy Room. The attention to continuity is marvelous here, as Milius is very attentive to this, showing the progression of those bearers all the way there, and even showing them leaving -- the effect of this is to integrate the pacing of the scene like clockwork, to create a very real sense of presence. He didn't have to do that, he could have just cut to the Orgy Room, but he actually walked those bearers all the way there, and then on their merry way, their task accomplished. It's very precise, and it's very well done (and from a production standpoint, it reflects an attention to detail that most directors would finesse).

Unfortunately, I can't find either of these clips on YouTube to illustrate it, but if you watch it, you'll see. Milius sweats the details, and I think those details are one of the real delights of the movie from the viewpoint of the audience. He does that throughout the movie. Continuity breeds credibility in moviemaking.

Barbarous

I was kind of pissed the other day, because I was trying to find a DVD for "Conan the Barbarian" (1982) -- the REAL one, and all I could find was the remake. Now, I haven't seen the remake, but I highly doubt that it could hold a candle to the original movie. In the larcenous drive to remake movies, when I'd heard they were doing that with "Conan," that felt the most quixotic to me, simply because the original has its own peculiar alchemy to it. Although critics sniffed about the violence and it having fascist overtones (or undertones) and saw something sinister in Austrian Arnold beheading Black James Earl Jones, to me, it's just a good fantasy movie. One of the best, in truth. From 1982 until 2001 (when LOTR came out), "Conan" reigned as one of the only true successes in fantasy moviemaking -- it had the right epic feel, had great battle scenes, and even its neo-Nietzschean ethos fits like a gauntlet. The movie is fun. Thulsa Doom is a great villain, Arnold is great as Conan (even his character's silences are kind of endearing and perfect -- I mean, the guy IS a barbarian, right?) Subotai, Valeria, Subotai, Thorgrim (sp), Conan's dad, Mako as the Wizard, even Max Von Sydow phoning it in as King Osric (if memory serves) -- all of it flows really well together. The deliberately low-key way they did magic was an inspired touch, and, I think, it one of the things that lent "Conan" its special character -- the magic is there, but it's done in such a low-key, matter-of-fact way, it works perfectly with the story, without causing a distraction.

I first saw this movie as a kid, with my family, in a drive-in theater! How retro is that? But my liking of it didn't stem from some nostalgia for that; rather, I appreciated it more over time, as I'd caught it over the years. Maybe the great soundtrack is part of it (heh, I actually have the soundtrack on CD), conveying that grand scope that's vital to any fantasy movie.

My only complaint is that the end doesn't quite work -- after the high point of the Battle of the Mounds, it's kind of a letdown when Conan finally dispatches Thulsa Doom. All of that buildup throughout the movie, and then the final confrontation is kind of meh, especially after all that had come before it. But it's only a slight complaint; I love the movie.

So, I'd had it on VHS over the years, and, when I replaced that with a DVD player, I hadn't gotten around to getting a DVD copy of "Conan," figuring I'd eventually get there. Then that damned remake came out, and now that's displaced the far worthier original -- for a whole generation of kids, THAT is "Conan," now. Ridiculous! Fortunately, I was able to get it from Amazon, and made a point to, before it somehow disappeared. I'm looking forward to catching it again.

Lockout (2012)

I caught "Lockout" on a whim. Not a particularly good or bad movie, really -- kind of a glib action movie, I guess. I came in with low expectations, and those were met. Haha! Is that a success or a failure? I don't know. The story was thinly-written, and the characters were, too. Luc Besson was producer, and some of his wry hand at action movie-making was certainly evident in it. Not nearly as good as one of my all-time favorite trash movies, "Deep Rising" (1998) -- which still holds my personal record for one of the most entertaining bits of cinematic fluff, ever. "Lockout" aspires to rise to the level of "Deep Rising," but falls short. It's like "Escape from New York" in space, although it's not nearly in that league. Guy Pearce is in full smartass mode throughout it. One of the things about it that annoyed me is the movie is ostensibly set in 2079, but it's full of pop culture references that are aimed squarely at today's audience -- and, really, last century's. It would have been nice for some of the characters to be like "Huh?" when one of those references got glibly tossed out.

Romney, etc.

I'm amused at watching Romney try to reposition himself for the general electorate. It's ironic, because, as I've written before, Romney was only a little to Obama's right, politically -- Obama the 80s Republican masquerading as a Democrat, and Romney, the "What do I have to say to win?" candidate.

Obama's the most conservative Democrat to be in the White House in a generation -- he makes Bill "Third Way" Clinton look like a liberal by comparison. So, in theory, Romney was the most likely candidate to be able to bamboozle enough voters into voting for him, for failing to be able to see the difference between the two. And, in truth, that's how it was, at least before the primaries. For all the Right's hysterical howling and strident sermonizing, Obama and Romney were very, very close politically. And, in likelihood, they still are.

But, in order to navigate the GOP primaries, Romney had to drink the Kool-Aid. He had to quaff it to be able to squeak enough votes to secure the nomination. The GOP has butchered its brand by pandering to their reactionaries (sorry, should I say theocratic fascists?) who are hell-bent on pushing their moral and social agenda on the rest of the country. This, to the detriment of the GOP -- polls are showing that 58% of Americans view the GOP unfavorably, with only 36% viewing the GOP favorably. By way of comparison, 50% of Americans view the Democrats favorably (and I hasten to add that this isn't something the Dems should be proud of -- they've been sucking royally, too; they just are more in step with what the majority of Americans want than the GOP).

So, a candidate who should have been a real contender against Obama is forced to go into the general election with Kool-Aid stains on his teeth.

The GOP brand is so soured nowadays that I know plenty of people who were diehard Republicans a decade or more ago who are now claiming to be Libertarians! (the same folks who would have scoffed at that label if it had been thrown their way back then) These are folks who were generationally Republican, proudly so. Now they are hemming and hawing and backing away from the Republican label. Why? Because the brand is toxic. And it has been made so by the reactionaries.

The GOP is captive to the headless beast it has created, and it's going over a cliff. The wages of ideology, alas! What sucks, from my perspective, is that in their efforts to appease these right-wingdings, the Democrats of today have stepped to the Right, themselves, to the extent that they resemble Reagan Republicans -- which, of course, makes them seem like raging socialists to today's Kool-Aiders in the GOP.

So, it's going to be a "choice" between Republican Lite (Obama), or Friendly Fascism (Romney). There it is. Overall, it's not going to be good for the country -- the remaining GOP dead-enders will burn the whole place down if they can, rather than compromise, and they certainly have no intention to let America be more tolerant, compassionate, diverse, intellectual, scientific, just, fair, open-minded -- no, that's not what they're about.

It would be nice for the Democrats to grow some balls and say to these nutballs that it's okay for the GOP to be bigoted, cruel, provincial, anti-intellectual, unjust, corrupt, close-minded demagogues -- but that the rest of the country (and the world) isn't going to pay for their militant ignorance -- their their whacked out views deserve no place in public policy-making. But wishing for the Democrats to have some balls is like asking for the sun to rise in the west.

End result, Romney's going to be screwed going up against Obama, the GOP is going to try even harder to find their Fuhrer for the next presidential election, Obama will continue his Republican Lite politics, and the very real needed progress in American politics won't happen. The choice is treading water (Obama) or sinking (Romney); America will vote for treading water. But it's still not progress.

42

Wow, I'm 42. How'd THAT even happen? Only 8 years from 50? Sheesh. That's crazy. Obviously, a lot can happen in 8 years -- B1 will be 18 (*choke*). Anyway, crazy stuff. B1 was sweet; he could tell I was frustrated about stuff yesterday (nothing to do with my birthday, just job stuff), and as I was taking the boys to their sitter, he gave me a comforting hug. It was such a sweet, compassionate gesture. I told him I appreciated that. It was clearly a hug for hug's sake.

I didn't take off, didn't do the whole "work on the birthday" thing. How Stoic of me. Baha!

I baked a German chocolate cake for myself; no candles, no birthday wishes. Just cake the boys and I shared. Anyway, onward and upward for my 42-year-old self!

The Cabin in the Woods (2012)

I saw "The Cabin in the Woods" yesterday, and I don't think it was really the Second Coming of Horror that it was billed as being. I understand that when Joss Whedon cranks something out, his dedicated fan base/cult, much like the fans of Wes Anderson, will breathlessly gather and sing the praises for his work, rendering it critically bulletproof.

Not going to go into the movie, lest there be spoilers to it -- but while I enjoyed the movie well enough, I wasn't blown away by it. It's hard to put it into words, exactly. I would classify it more as a horror-comedy than a de facto horror movie (although there were certainly horrific moments to it, they're all fairly wryly delivered, with that trademark Whedonian smirking smugness framed by an affably earnest self-consciousness that characterizes a lot of his work, and is likely why it's popular with a given group of people).

I didn't find it terribly surprising, found it hard to really shocked by anything in it. I dunno. I think it'll be a tempest in a teapot; it comes off as a kind of critical takedown of Horror as a genre without actually getting at what's horrific (and cathartic) about Horror. The very nature of Horror implies an ineffability, a sense of the sublime -- it's hard to be snidely aware of the sublime, really, and this movie tries to kind of square that circle -- to try to invoke this otherworldly dread while at the same time smugly having a "Relax, I'm just joking" kind of mindset to it that undermines the former.

There are enough Whedon groupies out there for this to likely do reasonably well, or be a cult movie or whatever. But unlike, say, "Evil Dead," which managed to actually channel some real dread, this movie was just sort of an exercise in something else. Like a group of people congratulating each other on how smart they all are. It's like how nobody thinks advertising (or propaganda) affects them -- if you ever see surveys where people are asked about advertising, nobody ever admits that advertising influences their decision-making.

So there is this multibillion-dollar industry that inundates our world, surrounds and enfolds it, whose entire purpose is to manipulate, cajole, wheedle, seduce, and persuade you -- something as omnipresent as water is to fish -- and you're unaffected by it? Immune to it? Why? Because you're too smart to be affected by something like that, you know when you're being influenced. Riiiight. Pat yourself on the back one more time, as you're off buying whatever it is you were persuaded to buy.

That is what this movie felt like. An hour-and-45-minute mutual back-patting from a creator of a particular type of entertainment to his acolytes -- there's nothing to be afraid of, because we already know everything there is to know about Horror, and we're just too smart to be affected by it, too worldly and jaded to be influenced by something as retrograde and yucky as Horror. Riiiiight.

That said, I enjoyed the movie reasonably well; I just didn't think it was half as smart as it (or its audience) thought it was.

(Laundry) Basket Case

Urg. I've put off laundry all week. Tomorrow morning. Gotta get it done! Normally I'm pretty good about keeping up with it, but this week I just kept putting it off. It's not bad, yet. Four loads, maybe five. But I just don't like getting behind on that.

I've been biking this week, even though it's been frickin' cold. Still, I don't mind getting a jump on my bike season; last year, I rode until November, so, starting in late March/early April means I'll have about eight months of biking this season, assuming my bike endures. I've bitched about it before, but my Trek 7300 has been a constant disappointment to me. Some people love them, but I vastly preferred my old Specialized Hardrock to my Trek, which has proven to be a finicky and high-maintenance set of wheels. And given that I've just been doing city riding with it, not scaling up mountains or anything, I've been disappointed by the fussiness of this bike. I'm sure I've put more than the actual value of the bike into it, in terms of repairs and modifications.

En garde!

Am glad the radiators are still on -- it's been frickin' cold in the city the past week. Usually, "March Madness" kicks in and they turn off the radiators, but it's been cold enough to warrant having the heat on. I've still been biking to work, but have bundled a bit. The real issue is the wind -- those blustery contrary winds are a major buzzkill.

I got the boys a couple more Nerf foam weapons; those are damned fun -- the Marauder sword, which, for a kid, is a tidy two-handed sword (hell, it's a two-handed sword for a grown-up, too, but the blade length is more akin to a broadsword). B2 is decidedly keen for the big sword, which is funny in his hands. B1 is fond of the Battlemaster mace/axe (my Dwarvish boy, naturally). I use the Vantage "short swords" -- which really aren't short swords, but are at least close to fencing swords in length, so I use them that wasy. They are fun; I like them better than the Nerf guns (which are also fun).

But the foam weapons are just a blast, and it's funny to watch the boys go after me with them, or each other. B1, as ever, is the gentle giant, but he has the best "game face" -- his expression is intimidatingly formidable, if you didn't realize what a kind and gentle person he is behind that facade. That serves him well, I've seen.

B2 is, as ever, the wild child, the fighting whirlwind -- speedy and naturally athletic, and prone to whacking you with the sword faster than you can react, or to "dying" dramatically. I swear that B2 enjoys pratfalling as much as he enjoys fighting -- he takes these great dives on the floor. As ever, the flamboyant, scrappy actor. And when they doubleteam me, it's fun, too -- I teach them the rudiments of fencing and kendo, while they try like hell to get me.

Jesus Christ

Easter. Meh. It bores me so much that I can hardly even blog about it. I love Halloween and enjoy Christmas, but Easter? It's just sort of there. I don't do Easter Bunny shenanigans with the boys -- Exene's family usually goes over the top with Easter baskets and what-not, anyway, so I tend to not do it. And since I don't inflict Christianity on the boys, the whole "miracle of the Resurrection" jazz doesn't come into it, either. I mean, call it cynicism or skepticism, but even today, people believe that Elvis was still alive, or Jim Morrison, or whomever, or any number of urban legends.

We're supposed to believe that a few thousand years ago, when people were eminently more reasonable, intellectual, and rational than they are today (*choke*) that whatever happened to Jesus was the literal truth that actually happened? 100% factual? Right. It's like playing a game of Telephone and being forced to accept the answer on down the line....

"I really like cabbage."
"He really likes cabbage."
"I'm related to Charles Babbage?"
"His dad likes to play cribbage."
"His team's going to scrimmage."
"We forgot to get our luggage?"
"I don't have any postage!"
"They're taking me hostage!"

That is everyday human experience, that is how things actually roll. Christianity is no different. Maybe Jesus's followers, piqued at the loss of their prophet at Roman hands, wanted to give him a good Jewish burial, so they went to the crypt where he was kept, rolled the stone aside, and spirited away his body for a proper burial, as a way of sticking it to Rome. Then the ever-excitable Mary Magdalene comes along, sees the rock rolled aside, and puts that whore's brain of hers to work and is like "Holy SHIT! He's been resurrected!" I mean, everybody knows to trust the words of a prostitute, right? They are always reliable and unbiased sources of information about all manner of things. And so it goes.

The empiricist in me always quibbled about the stone being rolled aside -- since when does a spirit need to roll a stone aside, anyway? Insubstantial, right? The only reason the stone's rolled aside is to be able to say "Look! Nobody inside!" Because if the stone hadn't been rolled aside, there'd be the assumption that Jesus's remains were still in there. So, of course the stone's rolled aside. Because the spirit wanted to be sure you believed in the miracle of what had happened. Mmm hmm.

Maybe something happened, but the odds are far more likely that nothing happened, and people, in their typically credible way of being, wove elaborate mental and emotional tapestries around a particular situation in order to make themselves feel better. And, again, as I say, roll the clock back 2000 years or so, and you find people who are even more credulous and superstitious then than they are today, and it becomes not only likely, but an inevitability that something like that happens.

And then the logic of the Big Lie comes into it, where people then depend on the buy-in, or worse, the faith meme comes into it, where people just turn off their powers of reason and uncritically accept the Big Lie without question, and then the snowball can just keep rolling down the mountainside of history, at least until the capacity to reason, reflect, critique, and objectively assess is rediscovered.

Anyway, blah blah blah. Easter. Yeah, got it.

Foodage and Flora

Nearly recovered from the B1 Bug. I wasn't blogging the past couple of days because sickblogging is worse than even everyday blogging. "Still stick. Bleah." You know, that kind of thing.

Going to take the boys grocery shopping today. They're stoked, since I picked up some wheels for the drive. They always love that.

I need to post pix of my saplings; I think I'd intended to do that for awhile, but hadn't gotten around to it. So, here you go...

Clementine and its cousin fruit tree saplings. All of them have come out swinging for spring. They really started growing. I'll have to repot them later this year, is my guess. Part of me is tempted to bonsai these guys, but part is tempted to just let them grow unimpeded. It's still going to take a long time for them. This was all because I'd a particularly good clementine and hadn't wanted to consign the seeds of it to a landfill, by way of the garbage, and wanted to see if I could get any of the seeds to grow. Repeating it with a lemon and an orange, I think. I've had great success with it, and I'm enjoying watching the process continue. The boys are fascinated by it, too. Never really thought about whether I had a green thumb or not, but I guess I do.

KOFF

Still coming out from under the B1 Bug. My voice is all shot from all the coughing I'd been doing. But am gradually getting better.

Koff Koff Hack

I definitely caught B1's bug. The congestion just warehouses itself in the lungs, and you can't cough it out, but the irritation in there compels the coughing, despite taking meds. My voice has dropped about an octave from all the coughing I've done. Bleah.