I'm not going to blog about my father, except to say that there is a world of difference between fathers and dads; any man can be a father, but not every man can be a dad, and he was never my dad. In my view, a dad is someone who loves you unconditionally and unreservedly, is kind, caring, honest, gentle, compassionate, empathic, emotionally accessible, and protective, and supports you emotionally and spiritually, encourages you and heartens you. Take away those things, and all you have is a father, not a dad. I know the difference, because he was the former, and not the latter. Ideally, a father is a dad, and that's what all fathers should aspire to; most think the one automatically gets them in the club, and that's why I think there are so many bad dads out there. I think mine wrestled with so much stuff coiled up inside him that he could never healthily relate to the world around him (which is likely why he had, what, four or five marriages under his belt?)
And the same dichotomy can be applied to mothers and moms, along similar lines. Parenthood is a challenging enterprise, when contrasted with simply having kids. Having kids is comparatively easy, and humans have been doing it for awhile, now. But raising them is the real challenge, and not everybody's cut out for it. I know my father certainly wasn't.
The one good thing I drew from my time with him as my "dad" was that it taught me across the board how NOT to be a dad -- I used him as a counter example, and have excelled at parenting by simply not being like him, or asking myself "What would HE have done? Okay, I won't do that." And it's worked out very well for me. My boys adore me, and I am there for them, whatever they need, and I hope that the good example I offer them as a dad will translate in their own successful lives, and on, and on, down the line, for their kids, and their kids' kids, and so on. In my view, life throws enough at you without having a bad parent in the mix to make things that much harder.
My father, 1933-2010. Onward and upward.
