I'm amused when playing video games with my boys -- their competitive instincts come out, both with each other, and with me. While I don't play whole-hog versus my boys, I also definitely never just let them win to pad their egos. I play with them as a friendly competitor. I did that the other day, when I was showing B1 how to play basketball, was telling him "Now, this is what you'll be up against, what your opponents will try to do, so you have to be ready for it, and not be surprised or thrown off by it." I wasn't playing Detroit-style rules, mind you, but I was giving him the basics of mindful play, of offense and defense.
Same with the video games -- B1 in particular gets furious when he loses (B2 does, too, but only with his brother -- and, because he's 6, I play easier against him than against his 10-year-old big brother, so I guess there are less opportunities to earn his ire). But, oh, man, does B1 ever get mad when I beat him. He cries and rages, and gets more determined to play again to try to beat me. He hates if I get a high score that knocks his score down a notch.
I gently point out to him that this is the nature of competition, that, to win, you have to work hard for it, and even when you win, it's not like you'll always win; that records are made to be broken, that when you're on top, there's always (eventually) going to be someone better who comes along and knocks you off your perch, so it's important to have some humility along with your satisfaction of a well-earned win, and not to lose your head, one way or another.
Watching B1 rage, I'm reminded of endless chess games with my stepdad, who would beat me again and again and again and again (that's what I get for going up against an Ivy Leaguer!) But, eventually, I was able to beat him -- and I knew he wasn't cutting me any slack when we played, and it forced me to up my game.
So, on a smaller scale, I'm doing that with my boys -- teaching them the nature of competition, and how to win with humility and honor, and to respect themselves and their opponents, and to not lose their heads when somebody's beating them, and how to lose with grace.
It still amuses me -- B1 fumes and rages; B2 actually will get physical with his brother when he gets beaten. He will put down the controller and tackle his brother, and then I have to pry them apart, joking about penalty boxes and unsportsmanlike conduct.
I also tell them, when I'm playing, that while I know it's frustrating to lose, that when they're up against another player, they can't bank on that person ever throwing a game -- they certainly can't depend on that. That they have to play fairly, and play well, if they want to win. And sometimes, even that's not enough -- that they may be unlucky. But the way to minimize the role of luck is through skill and practice.
Of course, the video games are really just a petri dish for competition proper -- but baby steps.
