Public Service Announcement

Q: Do you know what all of these actresses have in common?

Winona Ryder.

Neve Campbell.

Selma Blair.

Katie Holmes.

Natalie Portman.

Camilla Belle.

A: If you answered "they're all brunettes!" You'd be WRONG! That is not what they all have in common! Rather, the answer is: They all suck -- they're non-acting actresses! "Hacktresses," if you will! All of them are distractingly boring and wooden in any role they play in any movie they star in. They are a flock of albatrosses sure to sink any film they're in, if directors aren't careful. I imagine if all of them were put in one movie (I don't know, like "The Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants III: Dude, Where's My Pants?" there might be some rift in space-time, killing us all with boredom).

Seriously, start a drinking game if you want, and any time

1. You CANNOT guess what emotion they're trying to portray in a scene, take a drink.
   
2. You catch them attempting to act, too, take a drink.
   
3. They unconvincingly try to portray some occupation or lifestyle in a scene, take a drink.
   

You'll be hammered in no time.

Even in the above stills, you can see the doe-eyed inertness they represent.